This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
