i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
