I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
