I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
