She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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