so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
