I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
