Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
