He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
