I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
