Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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