Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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