My first STD was from a foam party
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
