I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
