As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
