i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
