the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
