I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
