He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
