your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i don't like sucking hair
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
