I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
