fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
