can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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