i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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