this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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