Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
