dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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