The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
