stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
