4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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