He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
