i already hear my dad disowning me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
