this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
