Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
sarcasm needs its own font
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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