If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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