highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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