Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
