dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
