so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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