Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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