Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
