i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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