just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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