That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
