'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
