At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
