My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
