U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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