I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
