My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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