How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
