Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
