i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
