Just cropdusted the office
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
