it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
