you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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